


Circles

by deltachye



Category: Free!
Genre: One Shot, Other, Reader-Insert, Song fic, Unrequited, casual sex relationship wants to be more but isn't bcs the dude's an asshole type beat, u know the drill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 13:37:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21016646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye
Summary: [reader x sousuke yamazaki]Feed the flame 'cause we can't let goRun away, but we're running in circles





	Circles

["circles" post malone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXhTHyIgQ_U)

* * *

It was a very physical relationship, from start to finish.

You don’t think Sousuke Yamazaki would’ve paid you any mind if you didn’t look the way you did. Maybe if you could kid yourself a bit, you’d say that you were mostly attracted to his _achievement_. Ambition, personality, et cet-fuckin-ra. But to tell the truth if nothing else, being around a glistening half-naked boy of that kind of delicious appearance was only going to lead into one thing.

It was just fooling around at first. Making out behind the vending machines, a hand on the ass when passing the corner, coy remarks… though you did always feel bad when you came to his dorm. After all, Rin’s bottom bunk had “easier access” than Sousuke’s. The poor guy—but it was probably better he didn’t know what was happening when he wasn’t home. Though it wasn’t like Sousuke cared about things like that. The things Sousuke did care about were packed in his neat little circle. Career, success, teammates. And you? Well, you’d just trot on home afterwards. There was, boo-hoo, no room in Sousuke’s circle for you. You’re just the cute fun toy. It was something he liked, but once he was done, you just went back on the shelf. It wasn’t like you didn’t have the pride to know you were being played with. You just put up with it. You tell yourself it’s because it feels good for you, but really, it’s just some sort of excuse to be close to him. Even if it’s just for a couple of minutes.

It’s embarrassing how many times you tried to stop yourself from slinking back. Every time was the “last time”, until the promise to yourself was so empty you stopped saying it entirely. He didn’t care enough to bother with that sort of thing; if he wanted you, he wanted you, and when he didn’t,

he just didn’t.

But you were different because you _always_ wanted him. God knows you didn’t need him, but God knows you were obsessed with him. You daydreamt about him. Even in your sleep, you dreamt of Sousuke. Sometimes it was just selfish reliving, crossing and uncrossing your uncomfortably warm legs in the middle of a boring class. Some days, it was you thinking about what it’d be like to call yourself his lover. Not just some sort of wet honeypot for a hungry bear to indulge in… a real lover.

You know it’s impossible. You’re fully aware it’s stupid of you to even have a wisp of hope. But you dream anyways, looking at the red and purple bruises tattooing your collarbones like they’re wilted rose petals. They could be beautiful.

It’s a cold day when you delude yourself into thinking you can give it a chance. It’s a normal date, the thing normal couples do—no biting, no touching, no fucking—just two people enjoying each other’s company. The two of you kept each other warm as frost clouds formed on your breaths. He smells nice, for some reason. You know what he smells like, buried into the sweaty crook of his body as he pounds into you—it’s different now. Still masculine with an edge, but more approachable. Comfortably familiar. It’s the first time you see Sousuke smile naturally after hearing a cheesy joke; see his eyes fully when they’re not half-lidded with lust. They’re gentle, like the salty licks of seawater on your toes in summer rather than sheets of ice growing over a lake, freezing life in its wake. But they’re just as paralyzing.

It’s almost like a dare. You don’t know if it’s God or the universe or your own idiocy, but whatever it is, it’s goading you. _You can be special. You can mean something to him. _

_You can be the centre of his circle._

But when next time, the “next time” he’d promised you came, he said he was busy. The next he said he wanted to help Rin with something. It was always somebody else, somebody other than you. The next, he didn’t even reply. He didn’t even look at the message, and in your shame, you deleted it as if it had never happened at all. You weren’t needed right now, so you weren’t welcome. It was obvious, even if he had enough pretend-decency to keep it to himself. You’ve known all along, but it’s even more obvious now—you’re just some stupid ant chasing sugar in circles, running ruts into the ground. You can’t escape. You just keep coming round and round, keep coming around to him, keep running from him and then to him…

But you just can’t let him go, and he isn’t a good enough person to let you go either.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: https://deltachye.tumblr.com/


End file.
